I know what ever I mention in this entry, most of you guys out there who know me, will definitely think is so not me. Well, Yes. Sometimes I need to express myself, but somehow sometimes you will unable to find someone that can heart to heart talk with you. I not sure how many people out there will heart to heart talk with their parents. Maybe majority of the youngster now a days, will never really communicate with parent anymore. I am one of them which won’t talk dirty little secret with my parent. I am not trying to shows that how cool I am, or how naughty I am for doing this. Is just a place where I can express my feelings now.
I getting a lot of stress and just trying to get rid of my stress through my own way, just for the sick of not increasing the rate of commit suicide (just kidding… lol). Ok, release stress is serious, commit suicide is just joking. I have been getting stress from parent and work. Mostly, from the 2 categories. Some maybe, relationship but it bother me not much.
I know a lot of my friends, close friends or someone else try very hard to understand me, but they usually will tell me “I can’t understand you”. Yes, I know. People thought I am clubber, I am very good in socialize, thought that nothing will bother me no matter what happen in my life. True. No one can understand me, because I will not show my stress or sad emotion to the world. Unless is happy and angry =D (those who really close will know about this only. lol). I am not a clubber, I am not good in social, and one thing for sure, I know that if I struggling to deal with issues that happen in my life, probably I will be one to commit suicide. I know a lot of things in life happen, if able to, it would be good to choose how things will turn out according to my own will. But, too bad that the world is actually not so easy as 123 or ABC. Life is like add maths. if you apply the wrong formula, you will never get the correct answer. Just like life, if you choose the wrong way, you will never get things that turn out what you want.
I have a happy family which outsider think we are. But actually is not just what they see. Probably, a lot people also facing the same issue, but as I said, just a place for me to relieve myself. Both my parent’s side family also have very complicated relationship. I always believe that, from the beginning, two of them decided together they should know the life a head is not easy. Not meaning that both of my parent’s side family object this relationship, just that when I knew the story I understand two things, never simply make decision that relate to whole life and after making decision don’t bug about it and keep regretting on it. That’s not the point for your life regretting the decision that you made.
I have very protective parent. But, I am that kind of girl that needs freedom more than anyone else. I like creativity, design and new ideas. But I lost my opportunity to take up courses that related to those. I am not bugging to what I am doing now, and am not regretting. From the moment I lost my opportunity, I always thought that certificate is just a step stone for you to enter a company. When time pass, I changed my thought. It is not. The moment that you choose a course to study, is actually indirectly chosen the industry that you will be in. Maybe for business course is different. But, for professional it will be. I thought I missed my opportunity to take up courses that related to creativity, so I change my mind on thinking for future what I want to do instead of doing what I like. After so long studying, I feel like my life is getting no meaning to myself. I being constrain on doing what I like to do. I feel like my exist is to full fill what my parent want me to do or to be.
Besides that, my work. Currently, I am working in construction line, and is an office work. From the beginning, it is damn hard for me to cope with my work. Because there are a lot of different sizes of raw material and finish goods. And the problem is I am very weak in memorizing. But at least now is getting better. But still a boring work which is not my type. This is a very small company, you will have no opportunity to show your ability. Same goes to my salary, will never increase fast. I am been thinking should I just quit my job for a long time. Still can’t make any decision. Probably I am just waiting and planning for other stuff to on going and waiting it to become stable.
Sorry for a super long entry. Will blog more soon, for shorter and more picture. =D
Xoxo,
Hazel
